I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
