did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
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