i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
