did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Randomize
