Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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