I murdered the dance floor call the cops
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
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