Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
He uses pillows to masturbate.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Randomize
