I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I can't put those talents on a resume
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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