Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
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