Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
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