oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
How does one acquire holy water?
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
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