There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
