Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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