i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
