my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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