Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Need sex. Gaining weight.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize