umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
