Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
