My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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