i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
You ruined the universe
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Randomize
