I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Randomize
