those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Randomize
