We should be called the Road Head Warriors
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
