i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
