i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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