a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
