I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
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