She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
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