My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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