i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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