You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Randomize
