They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
