plz talk dirty to me
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
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