i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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