you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
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