I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
