it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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