in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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