I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
