there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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