I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Randomize
