Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
