So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
