I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
