i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
