what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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