my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
