He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
Randomize
