I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
me + whiskey = a bad person
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Randomize
