They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Randomize
