My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
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