I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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