remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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