Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
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