we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
