I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Randomize
