So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
