Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Randomize
