I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I'm too high and old for this...
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
