R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize