I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
is that a dick in a sweater?
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
