you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
