Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
