.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
two words: eviction party
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
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