I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
