just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
