We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
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