I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize