I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Randomize